Where I Belong
by leiasky
Summary: Simon finds some stress relief in the middle of a town engulfed in a civil war and then doesn't know how to deal with the consequences. SK Rated R for brief discussion of adult activities.
1. Chapter 1

Author's Notes: This just came to me and I needed to get it out of my head, partially to see if I could get it to sound good enough as a stand alone, and partially to jump start my muse into wanting to finish the sequel to 'On the Edge', tentatively titled 'Broken Wings'. I'm completely stuck on that, and so, the below will have to suffice until I can get going on that one again.

This was originally written as a 4 page short story and turned into a 26 page story with 5 parts. The below is Part 1.

Story notes: The movie doesn't happen here. And so the below scene takes place after the series end. Book and Inara have left the ship already.

Rated: R for brief description of adult activities.

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**Where I Belong**

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**Part I**

It was the dead of night, but Simon Tam couldn't tell, not with the constant bombardment going on outside the city. Flashes of light so bright it looked to be midday pulsed through the cracked windows. He'd gotten used to it, along with the resounding quakes that rumbled through every time a mortar struck ground. Maybe it was his exhaustion that made him numb to the sights and sounds of warfare.

Serenity had landed three days ago on this backwater world to finish a simple job, and had managed to land right in the middle of a civil war that seemed to have engulfed the entire planet. They'd been in town when the first bombs lit up the sky, and they hadn't been able to get out of it since. All access, roadways, and airspace had been cut off, and as the town's hastily formed militia had surrounded the area, Serenity's crew had found themselves boxed in.

They'd all managed to keep themselves occupied and relatively unhurt during the battle that was expected to last only a few hours - but had now extended into a third day. Both sides refused to negotiate, had refused an impartial arbitrator, and the Alliance couldn't be bothered to travel all the way out to the Rim to settle some territorial dispute.

Luckily, most of the bombs had landed outside the city proper, away from the medical center, with the exception of a few that fell far too close on that first day. It was clear the insurgents didn't want to damage anything too important to the relative survival of the innocents caught in the middle.

Simon had, as expected, found himself one of the few doctors available to work in a medical center that had not been built to handle so many sick and injured, and he'd been working almost since the first bomb had landed. They had enough supplies - for now. What they didn't have were enough well-trained personnel. He briefly wondered how Serenity fared, parked on the city's outskirts. But he hadn't had much time to think about the hunk of metal he'd begun to call home when so many people needed his aid.

"Cap sent me to make sure you actually got some shuteye this time."

Simon heard exasperation in the words, but he didn't look up. This hadn't been the first time Kaylee had come to inform him he needed some sleep. "I can't." He finished suturing the nasty cut then lifted his head to briefly regard Kaylee before allowing his eyes to flit around the room – still overflowing with people who needed bones set, cuts stitched, concussions tended. He knew more waited in the room next door. The line was never-ending. He depressed a hypo into his patient's neck with a heavy sigh. "There are so many people that need -"

"An' there are other docs can help them while you get some sleep."

Ire welled instantly in his chest but it didn't reach his drooping eyes. He was exhausted. He knew it, and Kaylee knew it. Hell, anyone who looked at him knew it. But there were only three doctors here and, while they were all equally as tired, more patients arrived every hour to be treated for various injuries. They were too busy to try and set up any sort of rest rotation. They'd get a patient stabilized and another three would come in to take that one's place.

When Simon's gaze fell on Kaylee, her eyes still bright despite all of the death that surrounded them, he felt his entire body lurch forward as if drawn by some invisible magnetic pull. She was alive and healthy – as far as his tired eyes could see – and as desperately as he wanted to continue working, he knew it would be safer for his patients if he did get a few minute's rest. He glanced down at her hand as it encircled his wrist. A wry smile tugged at his lips and he knew that she wouldn't let go until he'd left the medical center. He snapped off his gloves and followed wordlessly, eyes locked on her hand as it slid from his wrist to twine with his fingers.

Simon wrinkled his nose as the stench of burning and destroyed buildings reached his nostrils. Even the few bombs that had made it into the interior of the city had done a great deal of damage. Overhead, flashes of light, this time accompanied by loud booms of thunder, rattled the surrounding structures. They made their way quickly across the street, dodging the large drops of rain that began to fall from the sky.

When they reached the building the crew had been using to sleep, Simon realized he'd been in there only once – and he wasn't sure if it was even to sleep. When Kaylee led him into a small room and shut the door, he simply stood, staring down at the bed as if it was some kind of foreign object impeding his path.

"Ya need some rest, Simon."

Kaylee's voice was distant to his ears, even though she was standing right in front of him.

"I -" His feet ground to a halt and when she pursed her lips at him, he struggled to remember what he'd been going to say. So many things, disjointed and non-sequiter in his exhausted mind, screamed at him. His eyes swept down her face, lingered on her lips, and then continued down her neck and the rest of her jump-suit clad body. For some reason he couldn't explain, a primal need spread quickly throughout his body; a desire so intense that he couldn't even form the words to warn her – or to stop himself.

"Simon?" Kaylee's eyes went wide when he stepped into her personal space and wrapped his hands around her cheeks. "Oh," was the last word she said before his mouth covered hers.

His head swam with exhaustion, and his body moved only out of a deep seeded need to touch something warm, alive; to feel the blood pulsing hotly beneath smooth skin instead of congealing, cold and clammy, on the outside of a dying body.

He barely registered removing his clothes, and hers. His hands were everywhere, and no where; he couldn't tell where his began and hers ended. All he could feel was her warm body beneath his, her mouth as welcoming and warm as her skin and the elation, mixed with a sudden realization of what was truly happening - and with whom - that flooded him as he sank quickly into her.

Dimly, he could hear her short puff of air against his ear with each downward motion, and the groan and whimper with every succeeding one. He wasn't in control of this. If he had been, it wouldn't have happened. Not this way. But his exhausted mind couldn't control the needs of his body. He was wound so tightly, he couldn't stop himself. He needed this release.

It was over far too soon, this desperate effort to feel alive, and he collapsed into her arms, panting, skin slick with a thin sheen of sweat. His eyes fluttered closed when her fingers sank into his damp hair, massaged his scalp before sliding over his shoulders and down his back.

He groaned, wanting to speak, but words failed him – not entirely something he was unused to where Kaylee was concerned. He didn't dare lift his head. He couldn't bear to see the hope, and the shock, and the - he didn't know what else, swirling in her expressive hazel eyes. He couldn't think, he couldn't string enough words together to apologize to her for behaving this way. He'd used her and the shame of that knowledge kept him frozen in place.

Instead, he simply pressed his lips to her soft neck and whispered, "I'm sorry." His mind unable to process anything more profound.

An indeterminate amount of time later, as he was surrounded by warmth and heat, he heard her whisper, "Sleep, Simon." Her soft, strong hands continued to touch him, massage the guilt away, at least for now, and his eyes dropped shut.

Before he could frame a response, his body relaxed, and the dark blackness of sleep claimed him.

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The sound of a missile whirling overhead woke him from a sated sleep. His eyes popped open and he inhaled deeply, briefly wondering what had happened, until the night's events rushed into his mind like a rising ocean tide.

He glanced down at Kaylee, who was slumbering peacefully, her eyelashes fluttering every so often, her mouth turned up at the sides into the beginnings of a familiar smile that always made his heart flutter. She'd curled herself around his side sometime in the night and wrapped a possessive arm tightly around his waist.

Simon swallowed nervously, uncertain how to right this pleasurable and yet highly uncomfortable situation. He was prevented from further thought as a bomb exploded nearby, shaking the ground - and Kaylee - awake. He briefly wondered at the sound being so close, but was too distracted to think much more on it.

He held his breath, every muscle tensed, as Kaylee stretched like a cat against him before glancing around the small room. She blinked back what Simon could easily tell was confusion as she propped herself up on an elbow and stared down at him, hazel eyes wide.

After taking a moment to recall what had happened, he watched as her lips turned up and parted into one of the most brilliant smiles he'd ever seen. His heart ached when she leaned forward and sultrily whispered, 'Mornin,' and that simple word stirred desire he didn't have the right to feel.

"Kaylee -" he began, a bit hesitantly. "I - don't." He swallowed nervously as he tried to frantically think of something to say. She leaned back a bit to stare down at him, the smile in her eyes dimming. "I'm - sorry." He looked away. "I didn't mean to use you like that. I just - I couldn't – I needed –"

"Everyone needs a warm body sometimes, Simon. Ain't nothin' to be sorry for."

He could hear the emotion drain from her voice and he could feel her body tense. When his gaze snapped back toward her face, he thought he saw hurt flash in her eyes for a moment before she offered him a clearly fake smile. His blood ran cold at the thought of dimming that ever cheerful nature, and when she began to pull away, he lifted his arms to encircle her, to keep her from leaving the small bed.

"No. That's not what I mean." He shook his head. Was it? He was sure he didn't regret taking her to bed. No. It was how he'd done it that disgusted him. He'd been brought up better than that.

Kaylee's features softened and he could see her clinging desperately to his next words. His heart thudded sharply against his ribcage, so sharply he knew she must have been able to feel it. He needed to speak, to say something, anything, to reassure her that he didn't regret what they'd done. But he did, on some level. And he was at a loss as to how he could explain it without upsetting her further. A rush of remorse coursed through his body as he remembered all the times he'd said something to hurt her. That couldn't happen again. Not this time. Not after last night.

He blushed furiously as her fingers absently brushed across his abdomen, fueling an already growing desire to make up for the quickness of last night's coupling. He was certain she didn't even realize she was doing it.

"I -" He hesitated. "Last night was -" He fumbled for the words but instead could only stare back at her, helpless to voice them.

"Fun?" Kaylee offered hesitantly with a shrug of slim shoulders. Her fingers stopped their motion, but that had done nothing to temper the blood pooling in his groin.

He offered her an embarrassed, wry grin. "Quick."

When Kaylee smiled knowingly, a bashful look cleverly disguised beneath pale eyelashes, Simon could feel the tension rush out of his body. She leaned down, her eyes glinting with that hint of playfulness and mischief. "Yeah. A bit."

Simon licked his suddenly dry lips. "I'm sorry."

His hips twitched when her hand traveled down from his abdomen. "Can try it again." His hips weren't the only thing that twitched when she leaned down and whispered hotly into his ear about just how he could make it up to her. He was too tired to offer up another suggestion; though the sleep he'd actually gotten had been amazingly relaxing, and too aroused to even think too hard on how drastically this would change their friendship.

"I'd - uh, like that," he whispered moments before one of her hands reached its destination and firmly took control, while her mouth found his and silenced any further words before they could pass his lips.

He briefly wondered just how they were going to go forward with their lives, their friendship, after taking this very unexpected step; one he didn't feel ready to take, but further thought was lost in the warmth of her mouth and the confident strokes of her fingers.

TBC

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	2. Chapter 2

**Part II**

Simon flattened a hand to his chest in an attempt to calm his racing heart. His head lolled to one side and he panted heavily, waiting for his body to stop trembling, for that post-coital tingling in his limbs to fade.

Kaylee lay sprawled atop him and he could feel the sharp thud of her heart beat against his abdomen, the small puffs of air escaping her parted lips doing absolutely nothing to cool his over-heated skin. She was nothing if not exhausting, beautiful and painfully arousing wrapped into one hell of an energetic package.

He'd let Kaylee take the lead, small payment for his inexcusable behavior the night before. And she'd led the way to the most exciting, pleasurable morning, of his life. But, as his mind began to regain some of its normal functionality, he realized with a sharp pant that it had done nothing to assuage the guilt he felt over how they'd come together – finally, after so many months of tiptoeing carefully around her unhidden interest. He didn't know how to tell her how much he regretted that this happened now, the way it had. He'd wanted to make love to her for the first time in a real bed, when he was free to give her his whole heart, not one rife with worry over his broken and mentally traumatized sister. And in one weak moment, he'd –

"Simon?"

He blinked quickly and glanced down into Kaylee's bright eyes and smiling face, struck speechless by the sultry look she leveled at him.

"Kaylee – I –"

She crossed her hands atop his on his chest and waited, clearly unfazed by his stuttering. "Don't think you got 'nuff sleep. Still got them big, dark circles under your –"

Simon couldn't listen. Not right now. He couldn't make small talk. Shame colored his cheeks and he knew that she would simply think it an effect of their vigorous coupling. His chest constricted and he felt the walls of the already small room closing in around him. As gently as he could, he moved her to the side and slid out of bed, very conscious of the fact that her eyes followed every movement of his pale skin until he covered it with his haphazardly discarded clothing.

"Simon?"

He could hear the question in her voice as he shrugged into his shirt and, with trembling fingers, tried to button it as quickly as his stiff fingers would allow.

"What is it?"

Simon swallowed nervously. He could hear the hurt and confusion creep into her voice but his overly brilliant mind couldn't think of anything to say. When finally glanced over at the bed, he was struck by the innocent beauty lying there exposed to him, and cursed his inability to explain his very complicated feelings and priorities to this woman.

"I – can't," he began lamely. He shook his head and waved his hand at the bed, which, in hindsight, probably looked like a cold dismissal to Kaylee.

He could see Kaylee's eyes narrow and her lips draw together into a thin line. He took an involuntary step back when she pushed herself out of bed and advanced, in all her naked glory, toward him.

When her eyes skimmed down his body and back up to his face, he trembled, unable to process quickly enough, the change that had come over her in such a short span of time.

"Could just fine a few minutes ago."

Her eyes blazed with a fire that he never wanted to see again, but knew, deep down, he didn't have the strength to quench. Not right now. He didn't have the answers. He only had more questions. He needed time to think. It was stifling in this small room, and the heat radiating off her body made it even harder for him to breathe.

He put a hand up to stop her advance but she only slapped it away.

"This all you wanted from me, Simon?" The tone was full of anger, and hurt, and Simon swallowed the thick lump in his throat. He watched her mouth twist as she glanced down at her body and then back up his. "Just wanted a quick tumble. Help you relax." He could see her hands clench into fists, see her eyes well with tears. "Been so tirin' and stressful the last few days." Her gaze burned as her eyes swept down his body again. "Good thing I was here to help with that, huh?"

Simon shook his head. No. No. No. It couldn't go this way. He opened his mouth to speak, to refute her statements, to explain. But the moment she'd given him passed so quickly, he barely recognized it before it spiraled out of his control. He could only stand there and listen to the truthful tirade as it spilled from her lips. But even then, he didn't hear what she said, not really, he was too busy frantically trying to think of a way to fix this.

"Damn the consequences and my feelin's, huh?"

When it ended and she stepped back, he shook his head. "Kaylee – no. I don't –" He reached for her, but she backed up until she reached the bed. His chest constricted when she glanced down at it with disgust.

"Get out."

Simon shook his head. "No. Kaylee. Please." He clenched his jaw, damning his inability to speak in something other than one word answers.

"Out!"

He watched helplessly as she turned away and slipped one unsteady leg into her coveralls and then another. Trembling arms followed, before she zipped the garment up to her neck and turned, her mouth open to no doubt spout more well-deserved vitriolic words.

But he was spared that uncomfortable moment by the all too familiar whining sound of a missile and the following explosion that rocked the floor beneath their feet.

Simon's heart fell into his shoes and all he could think about was the medical center. River was still in there. "That was close. I need to –"

Kaylee only nodded in response.

"Stay here," Simon demanded. He turned, pulled open the door and was through it before waiting for an answer from the wide-eyed woman standing behind him.

Simon squinted when he stepped outside, the sunlight of a fresh day blinding in its intensity. He coughed, smoke filling his lungs and rapidly fanning out to block the sun. As he moved quickly in the direction he knew the medical center to be, another missile hit the ground not too far away, kicking up dirt and debris that stung when they struck his skin.

He could hear the screams, could feel people running into him in an effort to find shelter from the deluge of missiles that had suddenly breached the perimeter of the city, but he was too focused on his task to look at the demolished buildings around him. When the smoke cleared enough for him to see the medical center, he clenched his jaw, cursing those who would prey on the weak and injured.

A mortar had struck the ground close by, and glass from the front window panes that had shattered upon impact littered the ground. People milled about outside, but there were few. Most, he knew, would have run into the building in an effort to protect themselves.

He grabbed a nearby woman, standing in shock on the front steps, and ushered her inside. She was injured, but he would tend to her as soon as they got inside, safe, for the moment, from the falling debris.

Dimly, he could hear the whir of yet another missile, but he didn't bother to look back to try and ascertain its trajectory. He simply pushed people further inside. It turned out that he saved their lives; the missile struck the entrance to the medical center. The resulting explosion hurled the wall inward, easily knocking everyone in the vicinity off their feet – including Simon.

Part of ceiling came down, and immediately all the voices fell silent. Darkness consumed his vision, and the last thing Simon thought of before he slipped blissfully into unconsciousness was the feel of Kaylee's mouth on his and the right words he would never get to whisper passing easily through his lips.

TBC

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	3. Chapter 3

**Part III**

It was a dream. It had to be. All of it. From the moment Simon had pulled her into his arms and kissed her with such confidence and passion, to this moment, as she stared at the rubble that was now the entrance to the medical center. This couldn't be happening.

Kaylee stared unblinking as the dust and the smoke cleared, as the burning buildings around her hemorrhaged people who'd thought they would be safe inside. Dimly, she heard a familiar voice, but she couldn't tear her eyes away from the medical center. She'd seen Simon run towards it, but she couldn't calculate just when. It had been a few minutes, right? He'd had time to get into the emergency ward before the entryway had been hit – hadn't he?

She barely registered the strong hand that pulled her backward into the whitewashed building, or another hand joining the first to shake her into mobility.

"Kaylee?"

She turned unfocussed eyes on the dark-skinned woman. "Zoe?"

"Fiightin's moved into the city. We need to make a run for the ship." Kaylee felt herself being pulled deeper into the building. She knew there was an exit in the back of it, but when they reached it, Kaylee twisted out of Zoe's grasp, eyes lighting with a horrified fire.

"No! Simon! We gotta go back for him. We –"

"Captain and Jayne are headin' up there to get him an' River –"

"No!" Kaylee cried, trying to force the words past her mouth. She knew they wouldn't find him. Not unless she told them where to look for the body. Tears slid down dirt-smudged cheeks as she tried to pull the first mate back toward the front of the building. "He's not – he was –" She panted, her mouth unable to keep up with her mind.

"Kaylee, really, they'll be –"

"No!" Her voice carried above all other noise this time, and Zoe stopped to regard Kaylee very carefully. "He ain't gonna be there. He just –" Kaylee gulped a big breath of air. "He just got inside when the – the – it hit the buildin' and, I fell down – he, he's – there." Her hand swung limply in the direction of the rubble. "He can't have gotten – he's hurt. You have to find him!"

"Ok, ok," Zoë said. Kaylee felt relief flood her body when she realized that Zoe understood. "We'll find him. You need to stay back here."

Kaylee shook her head. "No. Can't. Have to go – can help –"

Another high-pitched wail came from the front of the building and Kaylee hurried to River's side as Wash attempted to control the frantic girl.

"Just went nuts all of a sudden. Started screaming like –"

"I thought she was in the –" Kaylee whispered, her eyes still focused in the direction of the medical center.

River fell into Kaylee's arms and whimpered, "Ashes, ashes, they all fall down."

Wash met Kaylee's eyes and quipped, trying to lighten the mood. "I wouldn't have chosen that particular children's rhyme. All morose and depressing."

"Simon's trapped," Zoe said and Wash's jaw snapped shut. She turned to her husband, whose eyes widened at this revelation. "Take Kaylee and River out back. I'll help Jayne and Mal find him."

"No, I gotta go. I gotta –" Kaylee held River's head against her chest, cradling the whimpering child as if she was a babe. She had to make Zoe understand that she needed to do this. She had to find him. It couldn't end like this.

Zoe tilted her head, ear to the sky. "They've stopped fallin'."

"Then let's go." Kaylee moved toward the front of the building, pulling River along with her.

By the time they reached the medical center, people were already digging at what remained of the collapsed entryway. Able-bodied men lifted what they could, revealing some bruised, mostly broken bodies of those unlucky enough to be caught beneath the roof when it collapsed. Doctors and nurses waited on the sidelines for the injured to be pulled out, careful to stay out of the way of those digging furiously through the rubble.

Kaylee rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand and moved forward with Wash and Zoe to help, but she stopped short when they lifted a section of the wall to reveal an unconscious dark-haired man. She shook her head in denial, her breaths coming in short, brief pants as the man was turned over.

Blood covered his face and bones broke the tanned skin. It was a gruesome sight and Kaylee knew, just by looking at the man, that he was dead.

"Not him," River said to Kaylee, looking up with wet, swollen, eyes. "Not yet." She returned her head to Kaylee's chest.

Kaylee felt a mix of relief and elation at River's words followed nearly immediately by fear when she heard the doctor pronounce the man they'd just found dead. If Simon was trapped under all that rubble, she feared the worst.

"Is he gonna make it, River?" Kaylee felt herself whispering into the younger girl's dark hair. Her entire body tensed as she waited, carefully scrutinizing every bit of rubble the people cleared away.

The girl's voice was muffled as she answered, "Too many variables."

"Oh God," Kaylee breathed. She remembered the last words she'd spoken to him, vitriolic in her anger, and felt intense shame flood her body.

"Didn't know how to explain." River's voice was still muffled where her cheek lay pressed against Kaylee's jumpsuit. "Didn't want to hurt you. Didn't want to hurt me. But thinks its ok for him to hurt. Better than having to choose."

"That ain't ok, River," Kaylee's voice cracked as another man, this time alive, was pulled from beneath the collapsed entryway. "He don't gotta choose."

River tilted her head and offered a weak smile. "And he thinks _I'm_ the crazy one." She turned her head, and Kaylee could just barely see the girl's eyes flit across the stone and mortar. "He's as broken as I am."

Kaylee shook her head. "Ain't so. He's just got –"

"Broken."

"River?" Kaylee asked, frightened that River might just explain in further detail just how broken Simon might be.

River pulled out of Kaylee's arms and took a few steps toward where her brother had just been found.

Kaylee inhaled sharply and took a hesitant step forward, but the doctors rushed ahead of her and immediately searched for his vital signs. Her hands began to tremble when she overheard one of the doctors demand the infusers. River wiggled against her side and together they watched as one of the nurses ripped open Simon's shirt. Another woman, presumably a doctor, held two metal disks to his bare chest and called 'clear', moments before his torso shook from the current being sent through it.

Kaylee swayed, and only her grip on River kept her on her feet, as the man pushing a needle into Simon's arm announced that he was still not breathing. Time slowed for Kaylee; she stared, unblinking, while the group huddled around Simon did their best to bring him back.

Someone said something about a collapsed lung, she heard another person mention broken ribs, but it all melded together as Kaylee thought back the night before, and how surprised she'd been to be pushed up against the wall and kissed so hard she had to tear her mouth away to take a breath.

She remembered the silky feel of his hair, the softness of his skin – no man should have skin so soft, and the sure, determined motion with which he removed every stitch of clothing before lowering her to the bed.

Her body tingled with the memory, and so she watched, eyes glued to his bloodied face and thought back to how it had felt to stare down into his eyes that morning, see his expression change from desire, to wonder, and back again as she touched him, as they moved together, as his muscles bunched and flexed in all kinds of arousing ways.

The instrument was on his chest again, and Kaylee's eyes remained wide as she watched them try desperately to save his life. They knew who he was, had seen for the last three days what dedication this stranger felt for his profession. He'd helped them without question.

The doctor slid a tube down Simon's throat and Kaylee felt herself gag at the thought of what such a thing must feel like. She raised a surprisingly steady hand to trail calloused fingers over her lips and down her neck, recalling the feel his mouth there. He'd left no visible mark, and Kaylee fleetingly wished he had. Something she could see in the mirror; a visible reminder. She watched the medical team work for an indeterminate amount of time, but she didn't really see – instead, she remembered what she had gained – and lost in the span of a few short hours.

TBC

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	4. Chapter 4

**Part IV**

As abruptly as it had begun, the battle ended. But Kaylee didn't register that bombs no longer fell, she didn't notice that the ground no longer shook. When her eyes were open, they were fixed on Simon's face, at his dark lashes which rested against paler than normal cheeks. The tube remained down his throat and the monitor to which it was attached chimed at regular intervals. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she remembered that it was called a ventilator and that it would breathe for Simon until he was able to do so on his own.

Her eyes were dry, her fingers laced through his – cold without constant motion to warm them. She spoke to him as if he had the capability to answer her, hoped that his eyes would just pop open and all would be well again. She tried to joke and smile, but the smile never reached her eyes.

"Starting to smell as ripe as Jayne in here," Wash quipped playfully as he walked up beside Kaylee. His eyes swept around the room, at the injured and dying that took up all available space.

She couldn't even muster the effort to smile at his attempt to cheer her up.

"Docs say he's gonna be fine."

"I know."

"Don't believe 'em, huh?"

"Hard to, with him lookin' the way he does." Kaylee's fingers absently brushed against Simon's wrist, carefully avoiding the IV embedded there.

"Getting better," River said from the other side of the bed. She lifted her head from where it lay on her brother's arm. "Needs to heal first."

"Yeah, he's a right ugly sight," Jayne said as he stopped beside Wash. "Might just be an improvement over –"

Zoe slapped Jayne's arm and sent a withering glare in his direction. "Don't you got things to do?"

Jayne looked around the large room, at the beds lining every available space, and shrugged. "Women are all busy."

Zoe rolled her eyes.

"Don't you ever think of anything besides sex?"

Judging by how quick the response came, Jayne didn't even need to think about the answer. "Nope."

Kaylee would have smiled if the simple word didn't bring memories of that night flooding back. She'd gone over every moment, every pant, groan, every hurried, desperate kiss. It was burned into her; branded on her heart.

"Mal needs help on ship," Zoe said. "How about you go lend him some muscle?"

Jayne grinned slyly but a look from Zoe silenced any retort waiting on his lips. Kaylee was silently grateful for Zoe's support.

"How about you two go for a walk? I'll sit with him," Wash offered. He stood beside Kaylee, eyes bright, like the sliver of a sun's ray attempting to warm an entire field of wheat. But Kaylee felt like the one stalk it missed.

"No, that's ok."

"Wash, take River out to get some flavored ice, I'll sit with Kaylee." Zoë's calm, authoritative tone was in no way demeaning, and Kaylee found herself fleetingly wishing she had that level of understanding with Simon.

River stood and pressed a kiss to her brother's cheek before joining Wash. Kaylee wondered at her willingness to leave Simon's side so quickly, but once they were gone, her focus was split on Simon beside her and Zoe's solid presence standing above her.

"Want to talk about it?"

"What?" Kaylee blinked dumbly.

"What happened before he was hurt."

Kaylee's head snapped toward the older woman, eyes wide, mouth parted in an 'o' of surprise. "But… how…?"

Zoe pulled over River's chair and sat down slowly, her gaze soft as she studied Kaylee's face.

"Heard you yellin' at him just before the med center was hit," she said.

"Didn't know anyone was there." Kaylee knew the comment wouldn't be a sufficient answer to Zoe's question, but it was the only thing she could manage to say.

"So what'd he do this time?"

Kaylee shrugged. She wanted to talk about it badly, but – not now. Not with Zoe. Inara, her usual confidant, was gone, and Zoe wouldn't understand. All of Kaylee's problems would seem like child's play in Zoe's much more mature and worldly eyes. It wouldn't feel right talking to her about what had happened that night.

But Kaylee badly wanted to. _If not now, then when?_ she asked herself.

She exhaled a defeated sigh, then brought a finger to her lips in remembrance. A wistful smile passed across her face, then disappeared when her eyes fell on Simon again.

"Kissed me," she finally said.

"Gathered as much."

"And more." Kaylee let the implication hang before lifting her eyes to Zoe's. There was no judgment in the woman's gaze, only sympathy and, perhaps, a little hint of amusement. But she didn't speak and Kaylee knew the older woman would wait for her to continue.

She dropped her gaze back to Simon's pale face. "It was so good, Zoe. Was quick, the first time." She chuckled lightly, feeling a weight lift from her shoulders as she spoke. "But after… it was –" She trailed off, letting the sense memory flood her body. She didn't need to describe anymore; she could see that Zoe understood. Again, there was no judgment in her gaze, which set Kaylee even more at ease.

"But then he – after – was like he was ashamed."

"Did you give him a chance to explain?"

Kaylee cocked her head and raised an eyebrow, at which Zoe chuckled.

"All right, point taken. He's not so good with the talking."

"It hurt, Zoe. So bad. I – I wanted to hurt him back. I yelled." Her gaze lingered on Simon's face, at the bruises there, at the ventilator helping him breathe. "An' now all I want is him to open his eyes so I can tell him I'm sorry."

"Docs say he'll be fine. You'll get your chance."

"I know."

"Then why you sitting here looking like he's knockin' at death's door?"

Kaylee swallowed thickly, afraid to voice her real fear.

"Afraid he won't want to continue what was started?"

Kaylee closed her eyes. Zoe knew her better than she thought. But, she shouldn't be surprised. She was always transparent when it came to Simon and the dark-skinned woman had seen a good deal more of life than she had. "Yeah."

"Don't think that'll be the way of it."

Kaylee glanced quickly up at Zoe, her eyes wide. "You know somethin' I don't?"

Zoe smiled, rested a light hand on Kaylee's shoulder. "He's got a lot of responsibility with River. More than a man his age should have to deal with. Don't mean I ain't seen him look at you. He's as easy to read as you are."

Kaylee shook her head. "Then why ain't he never –"

"I think you already know the answer to that."

"River said –" She gripped his fingers tighter, lifted them to rub her cheek against the back of his hand. "He didn't want to choose."

"He's out of his element in the Black. Weren't raised to live life out here. He's scared."

Kaylee smiled in remembrance as she whispered, "It's why he's gotta be so proper. It's all he's got now."

"Not quite all." Zoe squeezed her shoulder and walked away, leaving Kaylee to her thoughts.

She wasn't alone for long before an older doctor arrived and began to look over his patient's chart. She could tell he was harried. He had a lot of patients to see, and they were more than one down with Simon injured. Another doctor had been killed in the entryway collapse.

"I've lowered the sedation and am going to remove the tube," the doctor told her. "He should be fine to breathe on his own now."

Kaylee swallowed nervously. Her hands clenched together and she nodded, eyes glued to the doctor's every movement like a bird guarding its chick's nest. As quickly as the tube had been inserted, it seemed that it came out even quicker.

"We'll closely monitor him to make sure there are no setbacks. The broken ribs will take a bit more time to heal, but the fusers we've given him will hasten that part of his recovery."

The doctor smiled kindly before writing a few more notes in the chart. After he'd gone, Kaylee lifted her hand to Simon's face, still bruised a dark purple, even after two days.

"Ya gotta wake up, Simon."

His eyelids fluttered and Kaylee's heart quickened, filling with hope that he'd finally open his pretty blue eyes. She had so much to say – things that didn't involve yelling. And she was positively bursting with the need to tell him.

But it was not to be. His chest rose and fell steadily, the monitor still chiming at regular intervals. So she continued her vigil beside his bed, carefully watching for any sign that he might wake, and remembering the feel of his heart beating against her cheek.

TBC

* * *

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	5. Chapter 5

**Part V**

"Kaylee?"

The raspy voice drew her awake in an instant and she lifted her head. Her eyes went wide as relief flooded through her body. Everything would be ok now that he was awake. She could tell him everything that was on her mind; that she was sorry for yelling at him like she had, that she wanted to hear what he had tried to tell her that morning.

"Simon!" Kaylee beamed at him and clutched his hand, unaware that she was squeezing too tight until she saw him wince.

"Oh, I'm sorry." She met River's own smiling gaze on the other side of the bed and released his fingers.

"It's all right," he said, his voice cracking from disuse. He tried to shift in bed but couldn't move very easily and finally gave up with a pain-laced sigh.

"Do you need anything? Want me to get the doctor?" Kaylee's eyes swept down his body; noting the brace wrapped around his broken arm, the multitude of bandages seemingly covering more of him than his own clothes.

Simon blinked slowly, as if trying to clear suddenly blurry vision. Kaylee had read all about the after effects of a concussion as bad as Simon had sustained, and was prepared to do whatever she could to make his recovery easier. But his whispered response shook her resolve ever so slightly – he didn't want her help.

Kaylee watched with a tight smile as River held a small cup with a straw to his lips. He took brief sips, coughed a few times as the cool liquid worked its way down his bruised throat, then waved the cup away.

"I'll be ok." His face held a barely convincing expression and he smiled weakly at Kaylee before shifting his gaze around the medical center. After a few more moments, he finally seemed to register that he was a patient. His eyes narrowed and his eyes swept around the room once more before alternating between Kaylee and River. A hand went to his ribs as he tried to inhale too deeply and was rewarded by a stab of pain. "What – happened?"

Kaylee's heart sank and her eyes dimmed just a bit more. This hadn't been how she'd imagined things would go once he woke up. "You don't remember?" She met River's own worried gaze before looking back at him.

"I don't. It's all a blur." Simon closed his eyes and took a deep, shaky breath. "Along with my vision," he muttered. When he opened them again, he asked River to get the chart sitting at the end of his bed.

Kaylee eyed him skeptically, wondering just how he was going to read through the chart with his injuries. But she didn't have to think on it for too long. River held open the document for him so that he could more easily read the contents. Fleetingly, she felt like a third wheel, intruding on some intensely private time with Simon and his sister; his family. She wasn't family – she was a friend. When she leaned back and released his fingers, she could see River's eyes rise over the bed and pin her in place.

Before either of them could speak, Simon's raspy voice intruded on their thoughts.

"I've been unconscious for –" He shook his head and Kaylee could see him try to desperately work out the dates in his head. He closed his eyes and opened them again, clearly trying to focus his thoughts. "Four days? Five?"

"Two."

"Two days?" Simon repeated, eyes narrowed in confusion. "No, that's not right. I don't –" He placed a hand to his head, as if his fingers could more quickly help pry out the memory of the days he'd lost. "– remember… We've been here longer than –"

"You don't remember – nothin'?" Kaylee's voice squeaked and her hands trembled where she now hid them in her lap. So absorbed was he with concentrating on his chart, he didn't notice that she'd let his hand go. She held her breath and chewed her bottom lip as she waited for him to confirm a fear she hadn't even considered a possibility. If he didn't remember their night –

She could see Simon think for a moment. "Just – we arrived in the middle of some big battle. And I went to work in the med center." He shook his head before looking to River and then Kaylee. "Is there more? Something else?"

Kaylee's heart began to pound so hard she was sure they could see her chest vibrate with the strength of it. She forced her face to remain impassive but her mind whirled with the implications of his memory loss. She couldn't think quickly enough to answer him.

"Kaylee?"

She blinked, suddenly remembering that he'd asked her a question. She shook her head and leaned away; her proximity to him suddenly stifling. She wanted to run away, needed to get away. Needed some space to breathe, to process, to understand what was happening. And she couldn't do it sitting right in front of him. Not when he didn't remember what they'd done. _She_ remembered every detail with startling clarity.

She forced herself to look into his face, still bruised and a brilliant purple from his injuries. "Nothin' as important as savin' all them people."

Kaylee looked away, but she could feel River's eyes on her. She didn't need to be a mind reader to know what the young girl was thinking.

* * *

Kaylee wandered aimlessly around the perimeter of the medical center, her thoughts all a jumble. The doctor had told her that it was possible Simon's memory of the events prior to his injury would come back on their own, once the swelling from his concussion went down. But Kaylee was afraid that he would never remember, and they would have to continue their lives as they had been living them – before that night.

She blinked back the tears that started to sting the corner of her eyes and picked up a hand-sized piece of _something _solid Some remnant of a building or some such other thing destroyed because of this unexpected battle.She turned it over in her hands for a few moments before hurling it as far as she could with a frustrated grunt.

"Think you'd be a mite happier now that the doc's awake."

Kaylee looked back over her shoulder at the captain, his fingers curled around his suspenders, a playful smile on his face. She shrugged and heaved a few breaths before turning to face him.

"Simon's missin' a couple days."

"Yeah, Zoe said as much. Doc's say he'll probably get those memories back, given some time."

"Maybe." Kaylee shrugged. She knew her melancholy mood would concern Mal and he'd ask why, so she forced herself to smile for him. She wasn't ready to tell him what had happened between her and Simon before he'd been hurt.

"'Sides, what's the point of rememberin' anyway? All he did was spend a few sleepless nights patchin' up a few hundred bleedin' bodies. Ain't nothin' important he'd need to remember. I could do with not rememberin' some of them bodies I seen my own self."

Kaylee swallowed hard and turned away. "Yeah."

"Mal!"

Kaylee heaved a big sigh of relief when she heard Jayne call for the captain. "When we gettin' off this rock?"

"Soon as Simon's cleared for release. I want him healed enough to be workin' if we need 'em."

"Man's just layin' on his back bein' waited on hand and –"

Kaylee whirled toward Jayne, her eyes narrowed. "Same as he does for you when you're hurt, Jayne." With a whisper to herself, she added, "Same as he does for all of us."

The mercenary looked as if he wanted to challenge Kaylee's instant, but not unexpected, defense of their doctor, but the captain folded his arms and stared pointedly. Everyone knew that look. The Captain exhibited it frequently. It was the 'argue and I'll space you' look. Luckily for them, he'd never acted on the unspoken threat. And – well, spacing them wouldn't work this time since they were grounded until Simon was well again.

Jayne backed down for a moment, but he still shot an annoyed frown in Kaylee's direction. "Anyway, all's set an' we're ready to go soon as the little priss can walk hisself back to the ship."

Kaylee watched forlornly as Mal directed Jayne back toward where the ship so she wouldn't have to hear his constant grumbling. She stared at their departing backs until Zoe appeared next to her.

"He didn't know."

Kaylee looked away. She didn't want to admit she'd been hurt by the captain's comment. He didn't know what happened between her and Simon; it wasn't his fault. "I know."

"Simon'll remember. Just have to give him time."

"It's been two days." Kaylee kicked the dirt.

"What's he always saying about River?"

A moment of silence passed before Kaylee answered.

"Somethin' about the brain bein' a complicated – somethin'. Big words. Buncha doctor talk."

"Right." Zoe smiled and Kaylee felt a tug at the corner of her mouth.

Suddenly, Kaylee turned to face Zoe, hope brewing in her eyes. "Tell me he's gonna remember. I can't – I can't look at 'im every day if he don't."

"If he doesn't, I'm sure you can find a way to work it into a conversation. Enlighten him a bit in your own way."

Kaylee rolled her eyes in frustration. "Oh, yes, I can see it now. 'Simon, please pass me a dinner roll. Oh, and by the way, we had sex an' you don't remember. An' I wanna do it again.' That'd go over real well."

Zoe chuckled and Kaylee huffed in annoyance before a bubble of laughter slipped past her pursed lips. She could just imagine the look that'd come to his face if she told him that way. Not to mention discussing that particular subject at the dinner table. The captain might just well have a heart attack.

"Someplace private might be a bit more –"

"Less likely for the cap'n to over hear 'an get angry." Kaylee nodded her agreement and began planning just how and where she was going to tell Simon about that night. She'd wait until he was healed. Or – maybe she'd tell him when he wasn't mobile enough to get away from her too quickly.

"Wouldn't want him to threaten to throw the doc out the airlock. Might need him."

Kaylee shook her head. "That wouldn't be very nice."

"Well - haven't you heard?"

At Kaylee's questioning look, Zoe continued.

"The captain ain't a very nice man."

The two women laughed and Kaylee felt her previous anger melt away. If Simon didn't remember, she would find a way to tell him – whether he wanted to hear it or not.

TBC

* * *

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	6. Chapter 6

**Part VI**

"I really think you need to see Simon." Zoe held Kaylee's hair as she bent over the small sink and emptied the contents of her stomach into it.

"I can't, Zoe. Not yet. It ain't the right time." She stood up and wiped her mouth on a nearby towel and scowled into it when she noticed Zoe's raised eyebrow in the mirror.

"Don't think there's gonna be one now."

"It just – " Kaylee turned away, cursing her inability to talk to Simon. He'd had a lot of painful days right after getting back; having to maneuver his injured body around the ship and up the stairs. It hadn't been the right time – then. She'd waited patiently for him to regain his memory like the doctors in the hospital said he would. But it had never happened.

And as the weeks passed, it seemed to get even more difficult to work up the courage to say something. Even when she'd tried to drop hints about they days he'd lost, she couldn't go any further than those hints. She should have just come out and told him; dealt with the consequences then instead of making herself sick over it now.

"You need to tell him."

"Not yet. I just –"

"He's noticed your mood change. Everyone has – well, except maybe for Jayne. Mal's gonna be asking about it soon if you're not careful. And everyone knows most things that upset you have something to do with Simon."

Kaylee lifted a horrified gaze to Zoe's face. "No, ain't his business. He don't go askin' about Jayne an' his whorin'."

"Jayne don't bring his girls back to the ship," Zoe said pointedly and Kaylee looked away.

Her heart pounded loudly in her ears and she felt a wave of dizziness begin to spread outward from her stomach. She controlled her breathing enough to quell the sensation, but not before tears began to leak out of her already puffy eyes. She closed them and took a deep, calming breath, opening them only when she felt Zoe push something into her hand. When she glanced down and then over at the woman standing behind her, she felt her heart begin to pound again.

"I keep a stash around to check every so often just – in case," Zoe answered her unspoken question. "Take it."

"Zoe –" She didn't need a test to tell her something she already knew.

"He needs to know. And so do you."

Kaylee turned away, looked at her pale reflection in the mirror. She could see Zoe looking at her, concern etched into her dark features. "He lied to me." The words were soft, whispered, but she could see that Zoe had heard.

"What?"

Kaylee closed her eyes and bent over the basin again to hide her face. She'd been sexin' boys for a good long time, and never had she left contraception up to them. She'd always taken care of it – except this time.

When she raised her head again, she met Zoe's eyes in the mirror instead of turning around. "Simon said we were safe."

"Safe." Kaylee could see Zoe chew on the word for a few moments. But then the jaw set and she squinted. "He lied to get you into bed?"

Kaylee hunched her shoulders and lowered her head. She didn't want to believe he'd have done such a thing. He'd sounded so sure back in that room when she'd asked him.

_She dragged her mouth away to get a breath but it didn't stop him from dropping his head to her neck to taste the soft skin where it joined her shoulder. It felt so good, her legs buckled and it took every ounce of strength she had to keep her wits about her. As much as she wanted this, she needed to be careful. They needed to be careful. With great effort, she slipped her hands into his hair and tugged his head up so that she could meet his eyes._

"_Are we safe?" She had to ask. Had to be sure. She'd always been so careful. And as much as she wanted him right now, they couldn't if it wasn't safe. _

_His blank look would have made her giggle at any other moment. She knew he was exhausted but she had to make him understand before they went further. Even with as far as they'd gotten, it would be really difficult to stop now. "Safe, Simon. We can't do it if –"_

"_Oh!" he shook his head, the light bulb finally shining bright enough through his exhausted and sex-hazed mind. "Yes. I've had a shot, we're fine."_

_Kaylee smiled wide with relief and tugged his head closer to kiss him again. She trusted him implicitly. He'd never lied to her. And she wanted this as badly as he did. Probably more._

"I don't think so." Kaylee shook her head. She still had a hard time believing it. There had to be another explanation. "He wouldn't have done that. He's –"

"He's a doctor, Kaylee." The disbelief was evident in her voice. "He'd know if he's had contraceptive shots."

She lowered her head, not wanting to admit that Zoe could be right. Her anger at the situation was clouded by her feelings for Simon, that much was clear.

"I'm of a mind to talk to him myself."

Kaylee whirled around, reaching out to steady herself on the basin's edge as the dizziness returned. "No! Let me. Please. Like you said, I gotta tell him."

She watched Zoe's eyes travel down her body. "Sooner rather than later be best."

She knew Zoe was right. It was long past time. It was Simon's fault, but she wouldn't accuse him. She would just tell him and let him react. She could go it alone if she had to. "I'll do it as soon as I –" She glanced down at the test she clutched in her hand.

Zoe said nothing, simply nodded. "I'll send him down in a bit, then."

"Zoe?" She called as the woman began to ascend the stairs.

"Yes, Kaylee?"

"You'll make a good mom one day."

Zoe smiled sadly but said nothing.

* * *

She didn't answer when she heard his voice call down from the opening. She simply sat on the bed, holding the small device that Zoe had given her. She'd spent so much time thinking of ways to tell him, thinking of excuses for him, that she was surprised when she heard his voice. Her heart began to pound frantically but her hands remained steady; clutching the completed test.

Before she could answer him, she could see his shoes precede the rest of him down the ladder into her bunk. It was slow going, as his injuries weren't completely healed, so she simply stared as she watched him descend.

At another time, she'd have been glad to see the concerned look in his eyes, the determination with which he approached her, the med kit he carried in his hands.

"Kaylee?"

"Yeah?" she said lamely, meeting his eyes and then looking away. He felt her forehead and her neck while she wrapped her fingers more firmly around the test. He'd see it if he looked down. He was a doctor. He'd know what it was.

"Zoe said you've been ill. I'm sorry I didn't notice. I guess I've been preoccupied."

When Kaylee didn't answer, he continued. "I wanted to –"

When his voice trailed off, she knew he'd seen it; knew with even more certainty when she felt his fingers touch hers. Her hand wasn't big enough to hide it completely. She couldn't bring herself to look at him.

"Kaylee?"

She heard the question in his voice but she still couldn't look at him.

"How long?"

She felt her fingers being pried away from the object in her hand and she let him take it.

"Kaylee –"

When she finally lifted her eyes to his, her breath caught in her throat when she noticed the – hurt reflected there. She didn't understand why until he repeated his question.

"How long has it been? Do you know when?"

His tone changed, she noticed, became cool and professional, but the hurt in his eyes never vanished. Somewhere in the back of her mind she wanted him to suffer for doing this to her, for lying to her, even if she didn't yet have his explanation.

"Do you know who? And does he know? You should tell –"

"Bit over a month." Kaylee heard herself say.

She knew Simon's overly brilliant brain would be able to work out the timeline. And he did. Quickly.

"That would –"

She met his eyes again. She hoped that he would remember, that she wouldn't have to tell him. How many hints could she drop before he figured it out?

"A soldier? If he's still alive you should –"

"You don't remember a coupla them days planetside, Simon."

The doctor wisely closed his mouth and waited, searched her face and her eyes. Kaylee wanted to punish him for not remembering that night. She wanted him to hurt like she hurt every time she looked at him and knew he didn't remember. But as she watched his confused expression only burrow deeper into his handsome face, she couldn't punish him for this. It wasn't his fault – well, the forgetting part wasn't, anyway.

Kaylee met his eyes and curled shaking fingers around his hand; around the hand holding the test. "You an' me. We –" Kaylee swallowed hard and steeled herself for his response. "We had a night. You don't remember it but –"

"We?"

Kaylee would have laughed at the look on his face if she wasn't so worried about his reaction. She took a deep breath and shrugged. "Yup. You an' me." She glanced down at their hands with a sad sigh. "I wish you remembered."

"Kaylee… wait. What are you saying? That we – that I –"

She lifted her eyes to his face, and found him looking down at their joined hands. "Yup."

He squeezed their hands around the test. "Then this is –"

Kaylee took a deep, calming breath. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you." If she had to do it alone, she would. It would hurt more than she could ever say, but this was her home. If he didn't want any part of their lives, then she would find a way to go on. But not before she confronted him about how he'd allowed this to happen in the first place. She'd always been so careful. One had to be living out on the Rim.

Simon released her hands and sank against the back of her bunk, his mouth hanging open, his eyes wide. This hadn't been the reaction she'd expected. The shock was plain on his face and Kaylee couldn't help but hold her breath and wait for him to say something. When he didn't, she couldn't hold it in any longer.

"You was hurt for a long time, and every day I hoped you'd remember. And then the weeks passed and I knew you wasn't going to remember. I just – I was – I didn't know how to do it then." The explanation sounded lame to her ears, but it was the truth. She hoped he could see that.

"Why can't I remember?" he asked into the air before settling his eyes on her face. "I would remember that. I would –"

"Ain't you said before that the brain is real hard to understand?"

"Yes, but – I was talking about River and her –" Simon took a deep breath. "Yes."

He hadn't yelled, hadn't uttered one angry word, and it bolstered her courage enough to move forward. She crawled closer and when she reached for his hand, she felt an overwhelming sense of déjà vu. They'd been in this position before, well, one similar to it anyway, that morning before he'd been injured. He'd let her lead the way, control every aspect of their lovemaking, and she remembered fondly sitting in his lap, his arms wrapped around her waist.

She stopped her forward motion when she saw his mouth fall open. He stared for a long moment, unblinking and inhaled so sharply, it felt like it echoed off the walls of her bunk. For some inexplicable reason, she hoped that something she had unwittingly done had caused his memory to return.

All of a sudden, she could see in his eyes that he remembered it too; that position, and possibly every other action that preceded and followed it.

"Simon?" she asked, concerned, and reached out to touch his hand.

"Ta ma de," Simon whispered and when his eyes met hers again, a hesitant smile spread across her face.

"Ya remember?" It was hard to keep the hope from her eyes while she searched his face.

Simon didn't look at her, instead stared intently into the air over her shoulder. After a few moments of silence, his breathless yes caused Kaylee's smile to widen, but then it faltered when he turned a horrified look on her.

"I'm sorry! Gods, Kaylee." He got to his knees and took her hands. "I didn't – I –" He shook his head but Kaylee pulled her hands swiftly out of his and leaned away, despair threatening to overwhelm the progress she'd thought they'd made.

"We done this already, Simon. I don't wanna repeat it."

He swallowed thickly and she could see him shut his mouth, clearly recalling the argument they'd had just before he'd been injured. She imagined it was difficult trying to sort out the newly remembered images in his mind.

"I know," he whispered and lowered his gaze. "I'm – sorry. I don't know what I was thinking – No, clearly I wasn't. It was wrong of me to put you in that position. I never would have –"

Kaylee felt her bottom lip begin to tremble, but before she could yell at him again, she felt bile rise in the back of her throat.

In the back of her mind, she heard him finish his thought about having had contraceptive shots but it all melded together as she hurried to the wash basin in the corner of the room and bent over it, heaving. She turned on the water and groaned as her stomach rejected what was left inside of it. Tears leaked out of her eyes and just as she reached up to pull the hair out of her face, she felt Simon's hands do it for her.

"I'm sorry," he whispered as she heaved over the basin. "I don't know how this happened –"

Even feeling as badly as she did, she arched her neck and shot him a very passable imitation of River's 'you're a boob' look. He recognized it, if the shy smile she got in return was any indication. His ears even turned pink.

But then her stomach heaved again and she returned her gaze to the bottom of the basin she'd become intimately familiar with today. She didn't want to think about how this looked to him. Or about how he might feel obligated to be with her, take care of her now, because that was just the kind of person he was. He was noble and proper to a fault. A behavior she had always hoped he would exhibit less of. But now – her eyes fluttered closed when one hand began to rub gentle circles across her back, instantly calming the rumbling in her stomach – and her nerves.

The touch was calming and reassuring and she wanted to lean over the basin forever if it would mean he would never move his hand. But she knew it would have to end sometime, and she needed it to be sooner rather than later. She could easily get used to this feeling. When she pushed herself to a standing position and stretched out her back, his arm was instantly there, steadying her. She wanted to ask him about the shots, but before she could think of how to frame the question in a way that wouldn't appear too accusing, he spoke instead.

"I think you should lie down. Let me do a proper examination."

Kaylee nodded slowly and allowed him to guide her back to the bed. When she glanced up at him, he had a damp cloth in his hand. He gently pressed it to her cheeks, neck and forehead all the while keeping her hair pushed back so that it wouldn't fall into her face. As much as she wanted to control the tears, she found herself unable to do it. When the first one leaked out of her eyes, Simon wiped it away; as he did with every single one that followed.

"I can do this without you, Simon. It's ok. You don't have to –"

"What?" Simon asked firmly, cutting off anything further she was about to say. They stared at one another for a long moment before Simon spoke again. "You don't want – help?"

Kaylee took a deep, calming breath, and leaned out of his arms. "'course I want help, Simon. But ain't right forcing you to –"

"No." With that one word, firmly spoken so that there was no doubt in Kaylee's mind that he would be there for her, and their baby, he pulled her into his arms and held her tightly against his chest. "The shot – I should have – the boosters, they don't last as long out here. They're not as strong, as –" He sighed deeply. "I should have known."

She melted into his embrace and closed her eyes when she felt his mouth brush her temple. "I'm sorry."

Relief flooded her body at this admission. One she hadn't had to coax out of him. He'd had to learn a lot of hard lessons living out on the Rim, and now she was learning them too. But even as her continued tears soaked the front of his shirt, she allowed herself to hope, and truly believe, that things would work out.

"We'll get through this, Kaylee," she heard him whisper and she felt herself smile when he added,. "Together."

Maybe everything would be all right after all.

END

– And maybe not. But that's another story for another day.

------------

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